So much like many of you, I have a few reservations about attending OC. These fears and the immanent dread that follows the fear, seem to stem from the horrid idea of a stale state full of a “mess” (as I believe you southerners put it) of boredom. It feels a little like Santa came early and gave us a box full of monotony. So I have come up with two ideas to eradicate the plague known only as tedium. The first of these is to make a distillery on campus. This came to me when thinking of the vast and rich heritage that “Country folk” have with the art of getting hammered and shooting guns. Such a wonderful and intelligent combination, isn’t it? Then I remembered that the faculty and staff would probably frown upon this, muttering phrases such as “Yankee” and “hippie” in contempt when referring to those who are making the journey from Cascade.

Now, you may be wondering, “what on earth is there to do that is more appealing than destroying enough brain cells so that I can forget I am in this ravaged, barren portion of our great nation?” Well, I have found the answer my friends. The gold medal, the pot of gold on the other side of the rainbow, the booty, the holy grail of all time fillers.

NOODLING

What is noodling you may ask? Well, it is the ingenious sport of fishing for catfish…WITH YOUR HAND. Yes, you put your bare hand under water in catfish infested waters and wiggle your fingers until you get a bite…literally. Wait, but don’t catfish get pretty big? Yes they do, up to 200 POUNDS BIG. Wait, but that seems kind of dangerous then, can I get hurt? In a word, yes. Yes you can.

How many of you have seen deadliest catch? Yes, the television show where crazy old jaded men go out for months into the ocean to search for sea life for the consumption of humans. And yes, we have all heard the stories of how it is such a dangerous and manly job. So why will noodling put hair on your chest (even if you are a girl)? Because noodling kills more people than commercial fishing a year. The catfish will grab a hold of your arm and subsequently attempt to drown your sorry behind in some dingy backcountry river. And where was this glorious sport created? In none other than the fine state we are all about to venture on to, OKLAHOMA. Thank you Oklahoma, thank you for giving me the closest thing to my very own personal Jonah experience.

Also, apparently you aren’t really noodling unless those suckers draw blood. AKA, if you dont nearly drown, you are still playing t-ball. It’s time to join the big leagues people. My life now seems so mild heretofore. I have found my calling. That empty space that was once taking up residence in my soul is slowly dissipating with every moment that brings me closer to Oklahoma. So put in another dip and grab the nearest bottle of illegally distilled billion proof alcohol and lets go catch us some fish.

Note: generalities made are in the name of humor. Please don’t take it seriously. My grandfather is from Oklahoma afterall…l grab a hold of your arm and subsequently attempt to drown your sorry behind in some dingy backcountry river. And where was this glorious sport created? In none other than the fine state we are all about to venture on to, OKLAHOMA. Thank you Oklahoma, thank you for giving me the closest thing to my very own personal Jonah experience.